What is my purpose?

I've been thinking a lot about this lately.... What is my purpose?

It's clear what my roles and responsibilities are (at least right now). But why? Why am I a wife. Why am I mother. Why am I a student. Why do I care?
I can see my self as a leader, going out and inspiring the masses. The question is: inspiring them to do what exactly? Be better people? That's been done before. Or has it? Let's think about this for a moment.
....Thinking....thinking..................................................twidly dee......................tweedly dum..........

Ok I've got it. My purpose is to be seen in hindsight. What I mean is one's destiny rarely presents itself in the form of a vision of the future. Usually one looks back at things and sees where everything falls into place.
This still doesn't answer my question, though. Am I just supposed to go through life aimlessly with no recourse but to reflect on the past hoping to see some pattern? Of course not, I tell myself.
I think I need to decide what my short-term purpose is, like a goal. Then hope that my path opens itself up for me. Who knows?

This is what I do know.
There is so much that needs to be done in the world. And I just want to know who is going to do it. I know I can't do everything, or even organize enough people to do everything. But I can do my part. Except I don't know what my freaking part is. Understand my frustration?
I know what my talents are. I can write. I can sing (I'm ok). I can find the good in anything. I'm relatively inteligent, as academics go. And I'm as honest as a person can be without being rude. So where does that leave me?

Happy New Year

I'm looking forward to 2011. It has got to be better than 2010, right? There is so much work to do. My personal (not business or school related) resolution is to slowly and surely make healthier habits. January, we're working on portion control and increasing the water intake. Wish me luck.

Every day I'm going to journal before I go to sleep. I wonder if I can or should do a video journal. I like to write but I'm distracted easily. Anyway. I'm tired. I'll write everyday, but I can't always guarantee it will be interesting.

Good night.

Know your history: I don't know mine.

That seems a bit oxymoronic or hipocritical. It is, but for good reason. I don't know my history. I took history. I passed history. But I do not know my history. I've been taught by a severely biased system. I now have to proactively seek non-biased historical information. The problem is non-biased historical information is almost non-existent. There's archeological information, which is collected scientifically and therfore more objectively. Archeology is not what I'm talking about, though it wouldn't be a bad idea to look into that as well. Know your history. The history and background of your people. Why? Because although this is a natioin of many different races and cultures, its educational system and curriculum are based on one side of history's story: the caucasian side.

It's unfortunate, but true. Take for instance, my Ancient and Medieval World History class. I'm in college. This matters because colleges  are not required to follow the same state mandated curriculum as elementary and high schools. My "world" history class studied only Western Civilization. That's it. Europe, Greece, Rome, etc. Anything on Africa? Not really. Perhaps my professor might mention a little about North Africa, but only as it pertains to trade routes in the Mediterranian. Don't get me wrong. I had a great professor, but he had to follow a curriculum that did not include anything other than that Ancient and Medieval European side of history.

Just look at a syllabus or program from any elementary school. They're not teaching World History. They're teaching European history and calling it the world. It's not right I tell you. So, go out and search it.

Kwanzaa is coming up, and this is a good way or excuse to research your own background and see whats in there. No matter your culture, if it's not white, the whole story has probably not been told at your average American public school. In fact, perhaps throughout February and maybe even January, I'll post some interesting African-American history. Who knows if I'll have time, but we'll see.

Peace

I hate the Allstate dude.

Have you ever seen this Allstate comercial? There's a group of guys and/or ladies talking about all the things they do to save money. So one guys bragging about a coupon and a promo code. Another one is talking about some sale. Then this Allstate dude pops up saying something like, "Everybody's looking for a way to save money these days. Why not just switch to Allstate." SWITCH TO ALLSTATE? Are you serious?

When a mother is trying to get a week's worth of grocieries with like $20, what the hell is Allstate gonna do? I know I'm kinda taking it more seriously than I should. That particular commercial just irritates me more than any other.

Anyway, I'm having a pretty restful Sunday, but I'm about to get to work wrapping presents and washing clothes. In my spare time, I need to finish these operational procedures for Graveyard Studios. If anyone reading this knows about some good deals on a sign. Leave a comment. I'm so excited about getting back in the studio. I'm thinking of some new lyrics and I know a few more musicians than I used to, which is good. Alright, time for lunch. Adios.

Feeling better now.

I was feeling especially pitiful this morning. After a trip out, a shower, and my medicine, I am feeling better. I know what you're thinking. A trip out and then a shower? Well, yeah. I didn't want to get all clean then go out in the dirty world. I'm the type to take a shower when I get home from work instead of in the morning before I leave. The outside is dirty. Not scary dirty, but dirty. Anyway, I'm feeling alright now.

So today at Target, I saw a group of four sisters and a mom. I knew they were sisters because they all looked exactly alike. They even had similar clothes on, tall brown leather boots of different designs with blues jeans and winter coats.You could've told them apart and everything, but it was just obvious they were sisters. I found that I could almost feel the bond between them. It's not like they acknowledged this. I could just tell.  My children are very close in age and I can only hope that they exude that type of aura when they get to the age of these four sisters. Of course, I only have two. And that ALL I want, you hear me? I just know I want to instill in them that feeling of it being us against the world. You know?

On top of all that, Target was really working with a sister's budget today. Christmas shopping, done. Didn't get everyone I wanted to a gift, but I tried. I am satisfied with what I've done. I do need to get one more ten dollar gift, secret Santa. But the kids, my parents and in-laws are taken care of. That's what's important. Well I'm done for now. Perhaps something more enlightening later, perhaps not.

Good Morning my A$$

Let me throw a little pitty party real quick. I woke up this morning around 4:30. I tried to go back to sleep but I have a cold and my stomach was a little queasy too. So I didn't fall back asleep until 7AM. When I woke back up at 10 I felt just as bad as at 4:30.
Enter, mother. She's trying to be understanding, but she always got some subversive smart shit to say. You know what I'm talking about. Statements that to others seem meaningless, but when you add the tone and the source, you know it's an insult to your character. I just sometimes wish I could escape for about 3 or 4 hours and just chill and hear nothing.
I'm going back to sleep. Forget this.

Starting SImple

In the past, I've taken on too much. It didn't matter before because I didn't really care if I suceeded, or not.  I do now. I find myself in the all too grown-up position of being responsible, and I don't like it. Its necessity is obvious enough. I have a husband, two children, and I'm pursuing a degree in English, full-time. Children do not pay for themselves. So, I'm working too. I've been reviewing possible New Year's resolutions and I've come up with one: start simple.

So I'm not going to completely change my eating habits, or re-organize all my belongings. I'm going to make one or two positive changes a month. Changes like eating another serving of veggies each day or always writing a to-do list before a I go to bed, will make a big difference in the long run. At least that's what I'm hoping. We'll see.

I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to use this blog, as a journal, a writing exercise, or what. You will hear back from me though. I've got a lot to complain, comment, and reflect about. See ya.